It's A Mad World
by sweetsheart
Summary: Marie's POV. Marie writes a letter as her partner suffers at the peak of his insanity. Short one-shot.


I sigh.

Maybe this is stupid. I keep going through all of the possible outcomes. Maybe I shouldn't give it to him.

He's a big boy, he can fend for himself.

Hang on. Oh... now I feel stupid.

That's the thing. The madness means he really can't.

I keep coming back to the fact that, if anything happened to him, I wouldn't be able to live with myself, knowing that this could have given him something; a spark of hope... anything.

I look at the piece of paper I've written the letter on. In principle, it's stupid. I've written it, all neat and cursive and then started crying halfway through. The tears are obvious, the ink has smudged but the words are still legible. I could write it again, but odds are, I'll start crying again. I'm such a girl.

I reluctantly look down at the letter once again, reading through my written words one more time.

_Stein,_

_I know this seems odd, and I don't know when you'll read this, but there are a few things I need to say to you that I can't let anyone else hear. So, here goes._

_I have to sit here. I'm unable to do anything to help you yet, and it kills me. Nobody's controlling you directly, the madness just sits, lays in wait for a puppet master. All I want to do is reach out to you; to be able to hold you and tell you that everything's going to be okay._

_But I can't._

_I hate it when I can't help. I'm forced to watch you, like you're some sort of animal in a cage, watching you suffer; killing yourself from the inside out. I don't know exactly what you're feeling, but you often complain of a noise; something of a static. You can't control it yourself. You can't stop it and it drives you insane, I know._

_It's all her fault though. And to think that Shibusen made a deal with her! It's absurd, ludicrous; disgusting even. She tried to take you from me; from everybody. The way she thinks she can just play life like a piano and toy with everyone's minds. Well, that's not the way it works, contrary to her opinion._

_I know that you want her gone like the best of them. And I know that your allegiance is to Shibusen, I do. But I also know that your madness rids you of the reserve to resist her. But I need you to know this._

_I'd die for you in an instant. I'd die for you before anyone else._

_And I need you to have that with you; I need you to keep that hidden away from the madness. I know it'll be hard, but I need you to stay at a point where I can still save you._

_I know you can do it; you're Shibusen's best. There's never been another one like you; there might never be. You're a strong-willed, brilliant shokunin, and that's why this is going to be hard for you. If there's anyone who could defeat you, it's yourself. And that's exactly what this madness is; it's you._

_It tears me up every time I walk into a room and the madness has taken you. I can sense it. And I know that I can't stop it, which makes it even worse. It takes me to a point where I question the existence of everything; why would you be created with such a torturous aspect? People have flaws; everybody knows that; but your madness is just cruel._

_I look at you, and I see the best in you. I see your loyalty, I see your courage, I see compassion. Nobody else does, and it disgusts me. When people define you by your madness, I hate it. I want to scream. They don't know you. They don't remember, back when we were at school, all the good you did. You mean well. You don't mean to harm, you mean to discover._

_You're one of the few people who I feel safe around. I do, literally, put my life in your hands, and you've not failed me, ever. I trust you implicitly. I could go on forever about the ways that I trust you. And I know that you trust me. Well... I hope you trust me._

_So, when you feel the madness rising up within you, I need you to look back through this letter. There are so many people in this world that rely on you. Your students, your friends, your colleagues; they all rely on you for so many things._

_To put it simply; I need you. I need your smarts; I need your skill; I need you._

_I really don't want to lose you. I can't face losing you._

_I love you._

_Marie._

I blush slightly. I can't believe I'm going to give him this. But it's all true. Every word.

I will give it to him, otherwise I'll regret it. But I need some time to clear my head. I walk over to Stein, making sure not to startle him.

"I'm going shopping, Stein. Do you need anything?" I ask, softly. Without turning to face me, he replies.

"No." he deadpans. I try to imagine what's going on in his head. One night, he woke up at about two in the morning, convinced he was Kishin. I cried myself to sleep that night, silently sobbing as he mumbled to himself. I acknowledge his response and walk out of the house. Tears begin to fall from my eyes and I realise that he's getting worse again. I hate when this happens. I walk away from the laboratory as fast as I can, the letter clutched tightly in my hand, my face burning with tears.

I get back to the laboratory around seven that night, groceries and the letter in tow. I open the door.

"Stein?" I call. No response. I immediately presume the worst. I search the house. He's nowhere to be found. I walk back into the living room. Then I realise.

He's gone to look for her.

I drop the shopping in the middle of the floor, the letter still hidden in the bag.

"Stein!" I call, as I run out the door.

I don't know where I'm running, but I realise that I left the letter too late.

"_Please, Stein. Don't go. Stay with us. Just long enough for me to reach you. That's all I ask. I'll make it stop, I'll make it all stop. Please._"

And I scream his name to anyone that will listen.


End file.
